As I get closer the anticipation is killing me. I've never felt so close before. So comforted just by the glory and presence that I feel here. Butterflies in my tummy, the excitement compares to that of none other. I park my car and walk through the double doors. Peaceful calming music flows through the building. The joy of many others fills the room. Huge smiles from the friendliest of faces everywhere I turn. My heart is warm. Walking through the room I feel so much love. The band begins to play, the lyrics shown on the screen. The front of the room becomes crowded with bodies of those full of happiness and joy. The sound of voices cheering and singing along with the band. People dancing, clapping, laughing, singing. I can't help but smile. So relaxed and full of joy I've waited for this all week. How can anybody sit during all this commotion? The energy in the room is so contagious not a person is standing still. The peace, the love, the joy, is being passed from one another like a rapid disease. This is my happy place. This is my safe spot. I've never had such a strong connection.
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Susan Nehrbas
Rachel Sullivan
I enjoyed reading your narative. I can feel the happiness you feel in your favorite place for sure. Is it church? That would be my guess. I think a little more description could make your narrative come even more alive though. You have lots of good descriptions of the feeling of your favorite place, but maybe just need a few more visual descriptions in there too. Perhaps what people are wearing, what the inside of the building looks like, what instruments the band are playing, etc. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like your details,but I would love to see more show vs. tell ddetails. Use details that engage the reader with the events taking place. What does it sound like? Smell? What else are we seeing? Take us there with you.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your writing and felt like I was able to share in the experience with you. The spirit of connectedness and elation is definitely palpable in this. If I had to choose something to list for an area of potential development the only suggestion I might make is making it a little more sensory: IE I touch, I smell etc; but even writing that it feels a bit like grasping at straws, you did a remarkable job Validia, I can't wait to see your next piece!
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